Kids Need Spiritual Nourishment

Originally published in Rocky Mountain News, written by Jean Torkelson, Denver Rocky Mountain News Religion Writer

The Columbine tragedy has startled the nation into examining a culture in which teens go on murderous rampages.

What do spiritual people say about the causes? The solutions? Following are insights by seven religious leaders.

Lark Matis-Ruffner, minister of religious education at Jefferson County Unitarian Universalist Church, spiritual home to humanists, theists, agnostics, pagans:

"Those two young men (who did the shooting) were born with all the dignity God gave us, like a bright, shining light inside. We call this the heart space. Somewhere along the line, their hearts became armored, closed off.

“I’ve had kids say to me, ‘Lark, I can relate to what these two did; I’ve felt lonely, been so mad I felt like killing the popular kids.

“‘But I don’t know how to get guns or make a pipe bomb. Besides, if I ever did, my parents would be so disappointed in me.’

“So we (parents) are to blame for the availability (of weaponry). We must take the blame for not reaching out to our children, to say, ‘I’m worried about you, help me understand you. Talk to me.’

“In our faith we don’t have inherent evil, only inherent goodness. That goodness will come again if you (approach) kids with a loving heart. They really will respond.”

Bishop Alan Bjornberg, spiritual leader of 90,000 Lutherans in the Rocky Mountain Synod:

"I look at these things systematically. This is not two isolated young people committing this atrocity; this is the whole community in some way allowing, or engendering, these things.

“There is too much accessibility to weapons. And perhaps our culture engenders such stress among all of us that some of our young people simply can’t handle it.

“There’s undoubtedly a culture of violence — in movies, books, the Internet — this is the culture these young people have tapped into. One of the big conversations of our time is about free speech, but every speech has consequences. We have to have some conversation about that.”

“We have to talk about what kind of responsibilities go along with our freedoms. I’m not looking to blame anybody at this point. What we need to do is ask our questions.”

Jake Samour, Archdiocese of Denver youth minister:

"Starting in the 1960s, there was a movement to be skeptical of everything. Whatever feels good for you is OK."

“Now what I see in some teens is even worse — indifference. They don’t care about anything, including right and wrong, whether it’s moral or immoral. There’s no hope in them.

“I believe we have to get kids to church, to Mass, get them to know Jesus. Once kids know there’s objective truth and morals they start to see that what they do does have an impact on other people’s lives — they cannot remain indifferent.

“Also, if only somebody could show these kids somebody cared, that changes people’s lives. Maybe that was what was lacking in the kids who did this.”

Rabbi Yehuda Fine, expert in youth and violence from New York City, in Evergreen for a national conference on alternative schools:

"We fool ourselves into blaming a disjointed society. We've lost sight of how to communicate meaningfully with our children."

“Let’s face it, society isn’t going to change dramatically enough to make the headlines disappear. What we can change dramatically is our relationship with our kids.

Parents need to know they don’t have to be experts in anything; they just need to share and care. This truly helps kids.

“The media and society has to be careful not to get caught up in symptoms. Kids don’t become violent because they watch violent TV programs, or go to ‘hate’ sites on the Internet.

“We can’t wait 5, 10 years to thrash out these policy decisions, go running around looking at all the ills of society. We need to focus on what’s happening to children and family systems.

“Every parent needs to be engaged and spiritually nourish their children. Where are they going to learn how to face adversity in life? Right now, the coin is always flipped to their peers.”

“I back away from the word ‘morality’ because it doesn’t mean much to adolescent kids. How you live your life, how you reflect the exalted and truth of who you are — that’s what you have to talk to kids about.”

“Like (the massacres) in Jonesboro and Paducah, these (teens) were not accepted by the world around them. They don’t like themselves. They’re very isolated.”

Marilyn Hickey, founder and president, Marilyn Hickey Ministries:

"The No. 1 thing is violence on television. Our eyes are windows to our heart. Whatever we see, and keep seeing, becomes a picture in our heart. When you think violence, see violence, pretty soon you do violence.

“There always used to be boundaries. You aren’t free to take poison, to drive off a cliff or kill somebody.

“I think we need to put some strong (limits) on what we allow in music and videos, access to pornography. We need some stringent laws that bring out the best in people and that punishes the worst.

“We’ve gone to the limit of free expression in this society. Now we should ask ourselves — do we like what we’ve gotten?”

Reginald Ray, Buddhist, head of religious studies department at Naropa Institute:

"Personal responsibility is a Buddhist thing. Each individual person needs to kind of look at his and her life and see the ways in which we as individuals are contributing to the situation.

“It’s a violent culture. The factors that promote violence have to be eliminated. It’s a tough question. We live in a free society, we don’t want to legislate everything, but how many people have to be killed before something changes?

“Education will probably make people more aware of the tremendously negative effects of violence on young people. If that means less freedom to put anything you want on the TV screen, yeah, that’s what it means.

“We have gun control, we should have some violence control. Letting everybody do what they want to do doesn’t really work.

“But I don’t want this to sound fascist. Buddhists believe, underneath everything, all people are good. If that goodness is not acknowledged, people become evil, their good qualities get covered over by a crust of aggression, hardness and anger.

“So what do you do with those kids who become monsters? Marginalizing these kids doesn’t work. They want to be accepted. Somebody has got to show those kids some genuine kindness, not further blame them or punish them.”

Mohamed Jodeh, chairman of the Colorado Muslim Society:

"The family should go back to God. We should impress on children the values God stated for us in holy scriptures. Not just during Friday, Saturday or Sunday rituals, but by implementing those values in our daily life.

“To love, not hate, to forgive, to be tolerant. The most important is that God in his wisdom created man in diversity. I believe this country represents God’s wisdom by its great diversity of people. We have to teach that to our children.

“It’s not the job of the school to teach values. That comes in the home — teaching that life is sacrosanct.

“Look at how this country used to be in the 1950s. We have to go back to those values that made this country great. We still have the same scriptures, but we’ve stopped practicing the values.

“We go to church for social reasons, not because we value church.

“The cornerstone starts with the family. The change goes back to God.”