Forgiveness? Hello!

Originally published on AOL’s Addiction and Recovery Forum

The headlines scream a never-ending barrage: “Bill Fights Back,” “It’s a Smear,” “Is the End Near?” Is this another version of HBO’s Saturday Night Boxing or MSG’s Heavyweight Explosion? Maybe it’s Fight Night at theForum. I really don’t know, but I’ll tell you this: The fighters are lining up on CNN and MSNBC 24 hours a day — and I recognize them.

In one corner, the overbearing moralists pour forth condemnation. They are straight-ahead fighters whose main punch is punctuated with as many salacious comments as possible. In the other corner, we’ve got the masters of spin who bob and weave and aim to confuse. Contestants spar with issues like virtue and forgiveness as if parrying punches, while the befuddled referee tries to keep the game honest.

Trouble is, you can’t get an honest soundbite on TV today. And no one — certainly not these contestants — can compress virtue or forgiveness into a single-sentence punch.

I confess, the angry squabbling bothers me. I don’t like it when profound and difficult issues like forgiveness get mixed in with anger and opinion. There shouldn’t be a soundbite for that. Some things in this world are sacred, and to me, the spirit of forgiveness is a holy treasure.

I try to remember that the real spiritual answers are found when our actions help create good in the world. Making the world — and more specifically, our families and communities — places of healing and harmony requires more than, “I’m sorry.” It demands a willingness to take a long, hard look at what is broken in our hearts and in the hearts of others. It takes the will, in spite of our imperfections, to reach out and genuinely care about everyone around us.

To forgive requires true strength of character, and the greatest source of that strength is our love. Keep in mind that anger is like a massive roadblock which, sadly, keeps forgiveness locked away in our hearts, yearning to come out.

One lesson we can derive from the 24-hour news barrage is that anger, in the end, does not heal our hurt. Wisdom teaches that:

“We lose much more from our anger itself than we lost from the cause of our anger.”
- Sefer Charidim

The news barrage has also delivered some clear examples of what happens with self-deception. The simple instruction, “Do not deceive others,” (Lev 25:17) includes the spiritual injunction, “So, too, we ought not deceive ourselves.”

When confronted with our mistakes, we do have a choice. We can follow the soundbite trail and lash out, make excuses, or even turn the anger inward by putting ourselves down. Or, we can realize that, even with all our imperfections and pain, there is meaning in life. We can choose to forgive ourselves.

Letting go of anger and self-deception can uncover the life we all crave — one filled with heart, spirit, forgiveness, and love. While it’s true that letting go can be a frightening experience, holding onto lies and secrets creates inner spiritual desolation. It is by turning to face our dark secrets and imperfections that we have the opportunity to touch upon the preciousness of life.

How we choose to cultivate the garden of our healing is something we do for our own sakes. Forgiving does not mean forgetting, but it does mean we no longer choose to live with that pain.

Sagely, wisdom teaches:

"Had I not fallen, I would have not risen. Had I not sat in darkness, God would not have been a light for me."
- Midrash Tehillim Socher Tov